haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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