You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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