ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
