Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
