I cannot find my penis.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
