you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
