pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
