She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
