Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
