thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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