i robbed the continental breakfast last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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