This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Mom said you looked used
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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