i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
