just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He did a backflip because drugs
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
