do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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