Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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