i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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