I hate your face
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
