I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
