im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
