My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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