omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
