mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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