he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
