One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
