We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
