note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
