you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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