I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pants are for mortals
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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