Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We have so much sex to catch up on
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
