Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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