think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
