Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
