Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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