youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
