Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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