; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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