p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The air taste purple.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
