Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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