were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
