Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
