and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
