If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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