Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
