I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
