Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
