I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
