Yo dont text me then not text me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
