dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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