No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
