Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
