you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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