Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
