so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize