I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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