I haven't been this sober since birth.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
