I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize