Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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