I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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