Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
