Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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