ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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