I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
