He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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