I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
