ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
