Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
