I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
