im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
