Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
