I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
