So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The struggles of a small town man whore
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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