all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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