Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
