It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
