Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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