**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
