even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
