the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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