They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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