How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
