is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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