I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just invented taco cereal.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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