I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize