Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
