what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
